pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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