Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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