This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
