so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
