i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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