gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
