wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
