can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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