can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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