And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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