we made out on top of his cat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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