Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
