Porn is love you can see.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
