Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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