Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I look better un-naked...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
