Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
