I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
