I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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