its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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