Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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