If that was your dad, he is hot
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
