woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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