So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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