Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
