Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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