Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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