Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
