Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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