R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
