It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
