There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
