So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
