Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
