she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
