Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The feeling are messing with the penis
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize