We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
