I puked a lego.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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