I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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