whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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