Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
