uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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