They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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