I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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