My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
