Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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