just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
