It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
