Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
