Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
