The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
