Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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