she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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