happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
