Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
