If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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