Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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