he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
