Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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