i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
