If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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