Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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