I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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