I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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