Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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