Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
